Inglorious Procrastinator

Does anyone ever feel like they’re stumbling through life just going through the motions? That’s exactly how I feel right now. And I can’t put my finger on exactly why I’m feeling this way. Everything in my life is going as it should. I really am in love with my husband and I am filled with joy just thinking about my son. But everything else, all of the in between, is just…bearable.

So let me examine the other aspects of my life. There’s school, which doesn’t start until next week, and work; nothing out of the ordinary there. Other than that, there are all of the other menial tasks that we all encounter…house cleaning, laundry, bills and other ‘to-do’s’ that pop up along the way. Nothing at all with a pink fuzzy sign screaming, “I’m the reason for the BLAH.”

I’ve had my share of up’s and down’s over the course of my life and I’ve had some pretty dark hours. This is certainly not one of them. I’ve had this feeling before though, and I’m trying to recognize what and why it is.

Usually when I feel this way it has something to do with avoidance. Ah, avoidance! This has procrastination written all over it. When I get really bogged down, I usually have to stop and try to find the elephant in the room…what am I avoiding/putting off?

However, in this circumstance I’m thinking it may be a lack of procrastination that I am suffering from. Let’s see, last weekend I cleaned my house top to bottom, so nothing to avoid there. Yesterday I did all of the bills and while we may be just squeaking by this month, the bills are for the most part paid. I’m not in school right now, so I don’t have any outstanding homework assignment or tests to cram for. Work is definitely busy but pretty straightforward and easy going. Not many more rocks to look under here.

So, maybe it’s just a case of the hum-drums. While I HATE being a procrastinator and I’d love to kick the habit, I think that part of the reason I procrastinate and hold onto things is to keep myself occupied. I know that there are numerous psychological issues and tendencies that feed the psyche of an inglorious procrastinator. I’m thinking boredom might be one of them.