Thoughts for the day:

I want a thocky keyboard. I watched a TikTok video of someone posting that they were about to start working from home and asked for tips. In the comments, most people talked about drawing a boundary between work and home, including not working in pajamas. Although, I liked one reply that said, "hear me out…daytime pajamas, and nighttime pajamas" or something to that effect. That made me laugh and want to get more pajamas. I stopped myself from buying some yesterday at Marshall's, but I was severely tempted. I'm really trying to limit my passing obsessions to just one or two and allocate my funds accordingly. Which returns us to the topic at hand, work from home must-haves. One particular poster mentioned a good thocky keyboard, or at least that is where the post and the comment thread led me to…searching the best buttery, thocky keyboards. Also, I had never heard the term thocky before that post either. Now I have used it 4 times in this paragraph alone. I can easily count because they are all the words with red squiggly lines beneath them. Spell check really needs to get with the times. Here's another side thought, that is also on the topic. I got my nails done yesterday. They were previously way too long, and I couldn't type very fast because of that. I am not an experienced long-nail typer. So, now, as I type this, I am encouraged by how much faster I am at typing. I'm also thinking I may need to revive my blog. However, I'm thinking I should only do that if it is stream of thought nonsense just like this. A bunch of rambling that I anticipate no one, but me-in-the-future, ever stumbling upon and reading. It's like the modern-day version of a message in a bottle. This definitely follows a common ADHD thread though. One that I am  currently trying to deal with. I'm trying to encapsulate and steer my misaligned random desires into a curated outcome. Instead of letting them yank me to and fro (rude, spell check, fro is definitely a word), instead of letting them make me feel bad about myself for not seeing them through, instead of forgetting them only to remember them while trying to go to bed or like right now, letting them cause me to spiral and obsess instead of doing the thing I should be doing…I would like to let them guide me. I would like to harness them like a wave and ride them to their natural conclusion. Yes, they would still most likely amount to a short-lived ADHD obsession, but one that was LIVED. One that brought joy and excitement to that time. I keep going back and re-reading what I have written to remember where I was even going in the first place. This is my nature. I can't help it. However, I was actually trying to write with no clear objective at all. Except that I wanted to capture what my passing desires were, so that I could try to get to the heart of my actual desires. I was interested in revamping my WFH accessories because I want to feel the wonderment and the excitement that working from home once brought me. Of course, working from home is not new to me anymore and those feelings have long worn off. I do thank God from time to time for the blessing of it and this life He has given me. Can't I be truly grateful and still feel the mundanity of life? How do I stop chasing the new? How do I find my desires and gather them up and live them, not just let them pile up in the corner with those of the past? I don't know the answer to any of those questions. But I will continue to try to live in grace and joy and gratefulness, and in the present! I have a sign right above my desk that says, "How great would life be if we lived a little of it every day?" That is what I am after. So, here I am reminding myself that it doesn't take buying new things to do that. But it is okay to formulate passions from desires. Those most certainly deserve investment, don't they? Also, I just decided to upload this to my blog, since I do already have one of those. I'm not even going to go back and remove my run-on sentences or make paragraphs to make reading this more appealing. I also think I might send the link to my family. So much for lost obscurity. But I do have to say, I have actually liked writing for a long time now. Dare I say it is a passion of mine?

Suspended Memory

Yesterday, while driving home, I saw a house. Its lawn was manicured and it had newly mulched flower beds. I noticed that there was a section of newly replaced wooden fence. It looked particularly tidy and well groomed. I thought about it somewhat mindlessly. It seemed like the owner had intentionally fixed it up. Or maybe they took particular care to upgrade and maintain the house. I pondered whether it was for sale, or if new owners had just moved in. Absent of a pending or recent sale, I wondered what kind of person might put that kind of extra effort into their home without a specific reason. This thought reverberated in my mind because it is so far from what I have known in my life, especially while growing up. I don't remember my father ever changing the oil in our car or even washing it really. Nothing in our home ever seemed to receive attention unless it was needed. Sometimes, needs weren't met right away. Sometimes, needs were never met. Sometimes, needs faded away and made way for new needs. 

When I saw the house, the site of it gave me a sense of déjà vu. It felt like I was stuck in a memory that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I couldn't decide what memories it invoked, but I felt them. It felt like childhood and family. It felt like the turning of a page. I thought about it for quite a while. I tried to place the thoughts and feelings that came over me but I couldn't. I thought it reminded me of my Granny's house. Her yard was always perfectly manicured. She had a tall wooden fence. Not the kind you buy in sections from a big box hardware store, but the kind that is specially built to maintain a certain aesthetic. I remember the smell of her home, which if I had to name it smelled new. I remember the crispness of the sheets on the guest bed I slept on. I remember the smell of mulch and fertilizer when stepping out of the back door into her garden. I remember the smell of coffee and the crinkling of newspaper when I entered the kitchen in the mornings. Every room, every surface, every piece of furniture felt cared for. It stood in stark contrast to my home life. 

Dead Blog Walking

I haven’t posted a Blog in years. In fact, I kind of thought the Blog was a little bit dead. But if so, what has replaced it? I suppose everything has gone the way of the social network these days. Unfortunately, just like my Blog here, I’m not very good at keeping up with social media. However, this is something I happen to appreciate about myself. I love the fact that I don’t feel the immediate need to post an update on social media when something newsworthy or special occurs in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I do post, but it’s usually an afterthought or something I make myself do. I’d prefer to just be present in the moment and enjoy it. Of course, there’s also the opposite situation, when things might not be going my way. And in this case, social media is the last place I want to turn to. I’m pretty sure I’ve discussed this before in a Blog, but I’m one to internalize and withdraw when I am going through turmoil in my life.

 
I also have a love-hate relationship with social media. On one hand, I cannot quit it. I appreciate seeing the updates of my family and friends. I even appreciate the hands-off relationships it creates. Although, I also think it waters down those relationships in our lives that we should nurture. The fact is that you could not actually maintain a functioning relationship with every acquaintance, childhood friend, distant relative, or old neighbor that you probably maintain in your given friend list. On the other hand, relying on social media to passively communicate with your sister or even your best friend (even if she is across the miles) will not foster a healthy, active relationship. I know this from experience.

So, I could go on and on listing the pro’s and con’s and loves and hates of every social media platform, but that’s not really my aim here. My thoughts are this…even if Blogs are dead…even if social media has many ways to replace the life-capturing aspects of a Blog…I am discovering that this Blog still has a place in my life. I’ve always treated my Blog as a diary of sorts, and I’ve never had a true following for my Blog. So, all that really matters is that I come here. That I have something to say here.

 
There is plenty of research that tells us that journaling is healthy for working out your feelings. I find that to be the case for me. I also appreciate being able to look back and remember a time through my own words and observations. I recently looked back on an old Blog to convey a sentiment to my young niece. We both really enjoyed going down the wormhole and reliving my words. Of course, she helped me to reinvigorate my desire to Blog. The fact of the matter, is that I really want to capture this time in my life. I want to have it in writing and in pictures to look back on.

So, here I am! 

Viva la Blog.

What Remains

This blog has had many evolutions. It has seen many times in my life. Over the years, I've had many different ideas about what I would like it to be. Despite my desire to make it something (of what I still don't know), I have posted inconsistently and have not managed to keep any semblance of a theme. Nevertheless, the one thing this blog has done consistently is to remain, however inconspicuous.

I actually have at least one similar, "what is my blog for?" post such as this. But what I want to do here is to simply state that I no longer want to define it. Yet, at the same time I want to pin this as an introduction of sorts. An introduction for an audience of one, perhaps?

I was just taking stock in the aesthetics of my blog. The forlorn black an white, the lonesome birds, the empty bench. All wispy and somewhat elegant to me. At least that is probably what I thought when I took the time to design it. I put it together a long time ago, so I can't even say for sure. But I was just taking note of how my feelings about my purpose of even having a blog carries through in its display.

It makes me think of one of my favorite poems, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost. I love that poem for so many reasons, but one of which is that feeling it gives me. The part that reverberates with me is that the rider lingers in a place that captures him for no apparent reason. I know that feeling. And even though he has other things to do, he takes the moment to stop. That is what I do in my writing. Just moments taken for reflection, many times for no apparent reason.

Love: A Poem

by Stacy Fain (circa July 2002)

Love - forever's path to eternity.
For are we survivors or victors of love?
Am I an empty vessel to a means?
The all consuming fire of love
leaves me incomplete and yearning for more.
Yet love is kindly deceiving,
a wolf in sheep's clothing.
It lures me in once again,
and still I am drawn.
In the end that is never ending
all that is left is the conquered,
anesthetized and imprisoned for all eternity. 

Stepping Out

Sometimes I feel so lost in life. There are so many pieces of me. They are so spread out that sometimes I feel incomplete with what is left. There are pieces in the many places I've lived and left behind, pieces in the many people that decorate my memories, big and small. Sometimes those memories feel like reruns of an old sitcom, or well worn shoes that you spot in your closet from time to time but never wear. You know they belong somewhere else, in another time. I want to say they belong to a better time. Because what is better than the known? Than the familiar? The trouble is, you can't know without leaving it behind to find out. But that is uncomfortable.

I am reasonably afraid of heights, like most people I suspect. When I was a kid, I remember stupidly taking the elevator all the way up to the top of the 300 foot tower at Six Flags. I remember that I immediately questioned my choice once the elevator left the ground. At the top, I remained glued to the interior wall nearly the entire time I was up there. However, little by little I inched out close enough to the railing to enjoy the view. Seeing my surroundings from such a great height was a brand new perspective for me. And the act of overcoming my fear was both invigorating and reassuring. The journey to the top would've nearly been useless had I not found the courage to step out further. 

As I am writing this, I am just putting all this together in my head. Life and circumstances and choices have led me to this point. Each step and each turn have led me out of my place of comfort. It has been a journey for sure, but now I am here. So, now is the time where I step out a little bit further, so I can take in the beauty of where my journey has led me and soak in the lesson it has undoubtedly taught me.

15 Years a Veteran

Fifteen years ago today, I was a proud (ok maybe a little scared and shell-shocked) resident of Coast Guard Training Center Cape May, NJ – aka Coast Guard Boot Camp. I don’t think I truly understood pride until that day. And I knew with every fiber of my being, Veteran’s Day would never be the same for me again.

The reasons for this are different than what you might expect. It wasn’t as if my change in perspective was simply because I was now a part of this thing. On the contrary, it was born from an overwhelming feeling of responsibility and of not being enough. I was now, by default, a part of something that was bigger than what my 18 years of life had prepared me for. 

I felt beholden to the men and women who laid this path for me. For all of their sacrifices and for all of those that had given the ultimate sacrifice. I felt so proud that I could be considered among them.

Yet, every year, I am surprised by how my admiration and respect for those who serve our country has continued to grow – now that I am a mother, now that my husband and the father of my child continues to serve, now that I continue to gain perspective.

I have wanted to write this blog for a long time. However, every year my words get jumbled and lost in feelings. I’ve wanted to write about how the first thing I remember seeing that morning was a poem that someone had scrawled on the board in our barracks, “Freedom Isn’t Free.” This pride that I previously spoke of, it began welling up in me at that moment.

You see, before that moment, I didn’t even know what day it was. I was in my 6^th week of boot camp. I barely knew day from night. The days ran together and I felt like I was living in an alternate universe. In that place, Veteran’s Day stood as a reminder of the life that I was building. A glimpse of what lay ahead for me. And I wanted it so much more with that glimpse of perspective I had gained.

At a certain moment on that day, November 11, 1999, I had an epiphany. I don’t remember what exactly we were doing, but I clearly remember my surroundings. I had this realization that was as crisp as the crackling sound of a newly cut tree falling in the woods. It created a clear dividing line in my life. I can’t help but feel like that was the moment I grew up. That was when the pride that began welling up in me that morning became crystalized. I still don’t fully understand what it meant, but I know it changed me.

That night, I huddled in the window with the other females in my company as we all strived to hear the bugler play. I got lost in the sound. I felt the sound of Taps that night right down to my soul. It reverberates with me still.

Unplugging for 2014

This is something that has been brewing in my mind for the past few weeks and it is beginning to take shape. I’ve decided that I want to unplug from technology for a bit. Since the New Year is upon us, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to try this. I certainly know I am not the first to try or the first to make a thing of this. In fact, I have discovered that there is even a National Day for Unplugging (http://nationaldayofunplugging.com/) which will be on March 7^th this year. Sign me up!

I really don’t want to make a big scene about this endeavor either. Because it is simply about me – not my social network, not the one person who might read this blog – me. However, I do want to capture my unfiltered thoughts and emotions about it to reflect on in the future. And I would like to recruit some people to try it out with me. So, I’ve decided to blog about it, which I know is a little ironic.

The New Year is the time to reflect on the past year and what you want for the coming year. What better way to do so than to reconnect with your family, your friends and your thoughts by unplugging from the very thing that distracts you from that the most?! There are a lot of great things that technology has brought us; I am not here to argue against that. I just realize how captivated I have become by it and I am a little annoyed with myself about it.

So, here’s the deal. These are the parameters that I have decided to set up for myself:

I have decided to try this for 7 days, which I think will be challenging enough to make worth it. I won’t be able to unplug 100% because all of my work is done on the computer. So, as far as work goes, I will only use my computer, internet and e-mail when expressly necessary to accomplish work. This means, that I will turn off my messenger and will eliminate any personal e-mails or electronic communication that can be done via telephone instead. Other than work, I will not use a computer. That means absolutely no computer or electronic games. I have decided that telephone and radio is allowed, but that means radio in the car and telephone to have actual conversations with people. As far as my iPhone, I plane to turn it on Airplane mode and will only use it as a phone – no games, no texting, no e-mail, no Apps at all. I’ve decided that also includes the camera on my phone. I may allow myself to use my actual camera though, if I can even find it, lol. And lastly, I have also decided to give up television. That may be the hardest thing, especially if my hubby doesn’t decide to try this with me. Since I am not the only person in my house, if the television does get turned on, I will try to be true to my goal here and otherwise engage myself.

I don’t feel that I have set arbitrary boundaries. All of this is nothing short of how I lived my life as a child, except the no TV thing. I feel like I will be able to enrich my life and my relationships, even in an arbitrary 7 day period. I want to unplug to reconnect. So, this all starts at midnight on New Year’s Eve, which means no wishing happy New Years on Facebook and no selfies of ringing in the New Year. I’m ready for it!

If you want to join me, even if it’s for a day or if you have different rules and boundaries you’d like to set, please let me know. There’s strength in numbers you know?!

An open letter to my nephew, Jaden

Today I was struck by how much love I have for you. Not so long ago I worried that I had not developed that special relationship with you that I have with your other siblings because of my own son’s closeness in age to yours. You had little time to be the only special little guy in my life before your cousin came along. And forming a bond across the miles can be difficult to do. So, by the time I had you and your siblings within hugging distance to me, I guess I was a little preoccupied in adapting to my new role as Aunt and Mom.

You are a lot like me. I love that you are quiet and contemplative, even though I sometimes worry about what destructive plans you might be dreaming up. You have a style that is all your own. You are rough and tough and all boy. You have an adventurous spirit. And you have a tender heart.

 

 

 

Being an aunt is a special thing. You get to be an advocate. You get to be fun. You get to help mold a life. I want the very best for my nieces and nephews, and I strive to help make that happen. I have had the pleasure of being an aunt for 17 years. I have learned a lot over the years, but my aunt mentality is evolving, especially now that I have added ‘Mom’ to my resume.

You are my son’s best friend. You and he share a relationship unlike any other. You are mischief partners. I watch the two of you together and I just smile...that is, when y'all aren't already driving me mad with your antics. I understand the kind of kinship you have and it brings joy to my heart to know that you have each other.

So, this leads me to my revelation. Just because my son happens to be a big part of my relationship with you, it doesn’t make that relationship any less special or unique. If anything, it makes it that much more special and unique. You see, I love you for all the things that I already mentioned. But I also love you for what you mean to my son. I appreciate you for being his partner in crime. The two of you will be there for each other in ways that no one else will be throughout your entire lives. I love that you are a permanent part of my life and that I have the pleasure of watching you grow and mature. I am especially thankful that I get to be a part of a one of a kind friendship, even with all of the trouble the two of you are sure to cause.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

B - What?

One of these days I will start off a sentence with, back in B-School…

I like that going to school for your MBA also means that you’re “going to B-School.” Actually, the only place I’ve ever heard anyone use that term is on House of Lies (an HBO show about some cutthroat business consultants and Ivey League “B-school” grads.)

I graduated with my undergrad in the spring of ’11 and went straight off to pursue my MBA that next fall. It was both a good idea and a bad idea. My reasoning for going straight into grad school was that I was already used to juggling school with all of my other commitments, and if I took a break I might never again be insane enough to go back. Don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoy school. However, going to school on top of being a mother and wife, and working full-time really puts a strain on my sanity. So, I made it through the first year of the 3-year, part-time program and came to a point where I just had to take a break.

My first semester of grad school felt great. One of my classes was a business law class and I enjoyed it so much that I had a far off notion that I’d like to go to law school. Then I woke up and realized that I fell asleep on the crazy bus. It was nice to be learning something different. I love the black and white of engineering and I still prefer numbers and working problems to writing papers. But I enjoy learning new perspectives and hunger to be more intelligent about the things going on in the world around me. I feel like I get this from business school, more so than I did in engineering school.

The next semester really tested what I was made of. It was a perfect storm of stress in my life, which culminated at the end of the semester. As a student, this is when the stress of finals alone consumes your life. The long and short of all of it is this. I wasn’t able to see Colten for at least 2 days out of the week. On school days, I was leaving before he got up and getting home after he had fallen asleep. This was hard for me, and it only became harder as time wore on. I had many group projects that required meeting up outside of school hours as well, which equaled even more time away from him.

Work in the meantime, was enough to make me go bonkers on its own. Looking back now, the project I was working on at the time was the most stressful and time sensitive that I have worked on yet. Add to that the fact that I was a new graduate, still learning how to fill this engineering role that I was in. Even with three and a half years of interning under my belt, I felt ill prepared. However, a lot of my stress in this situation was brought on by my own fear of failure.

The trifecta and final straw that semester had to do with my family. My grandmother passed away. She was precious to me and it was hard to say goodbye to her. Although, my actual breaking point came later when I learned that my father had prostate cancer. This is hard to hear as a daughter. Even with a positive prognosis from the doctors, I couldn’t see past the fact that my dad had to go through this. And to make matters worse, I couldn’t be there to hold his hand.

So, needless to say, I took a break. One of my professors was even kind enough to let me take an incomplete, giving me more time to complete a few of the assignments that piled up on me when I had just shut down. I managed to get out of the semester with an A and a B. That is a real accomplishment if you ask me. I originally thought that I might take a semester off, but that quickly turned into an entire year. This was ok, because we made a shift in focus to put Jeff’s schooling first. We had already learned that both of us going to school was a recipe for disaster.

There was no second guessing my decision to take a break, but the absence of school in my life left me feeling a bit crummy. I am a very goal oriented person and I never feel more satisfied than when I am in hot pursuit of a goal. I am definitely of the notion that if you aren’t progressing and moving forward, you’re moving backwards. I tried to bury this feeling because I knew that I not only needed a break, but I deserved one. I think it revealed itself in other ways though. I made my way into in an obvious rut, one that I couldn’t shake. And having school on hold definitely contributed to that.

It's a little over year later now, and I am finally heading back! I recently applied for readmission and was accepted. This past weekend I was able to register for my classes. I am feeling pretty stoked. So, come Spring 2015, I should be the proud recipient of an MBA, and have another goal with a check mark by it.

 

Because I Love Him

Here's an argument as old as time. Why on earth can't he shut his closet door, or dresser drawers, or put away his boots once he's done with them?

Or perhaps the question is, why does it bother me so? I mean, it's not like I am the fairy princess of tidiness. I guess it all depends on my mood on just how tidy I am. I've been in a tidy kind of mood lately though ever since I've taken on my 10-week challenge. Usually, if I'm being really good in one area of my life, I'm super good in the others too. Nevertheless, I do have a corner of junk on my side of the room at the moment. A leftover pile from all of our recent camping trips that I haven't quite gotten around to putting away. Okay, who am I kidding? I plan to leave it there until the next camping trip. What's the use in putting it away just to drag it back out? 

One little disclaimer about my picture below...it looks worse than it actually is, in my opinion. A big portion of the pile is the decorative pillows from our bed, and Jeff is the one who drug the stroller out of his truck to make room for our camping supplies. Okay, so yeah, it's a monstrous pile. I should do something about that...

So, I'm not exactly in the best place to complain about a door, or a drawer, or some boots. After all, he hasn't made one comment about my junk pile. Since I am digressing maybe its not the best time to bring up the fact that he also neglects to put his shirt and socks into the hamper when he goes to bed at night. His reason - what if he has to get up in the middle of the night and put them on? Am I being too harsh in thinking that this is faulty reasoning?

Finally, I digress.  The whole point is that little irritations like this are actually a great reminder of how lucky I am to have mybest friend alongside me everyday. Even if I have to straighten up behind him every now and again, I love my guy!

My Storybook Christmas (Throwback from 2011)

It was a Friday morning. Well, it seemed more like Thursday night, because the sun was still a few hours away from showing its splendor. I had just worked over 40 hours in 4 short days, in preparation for my impending vacation. To top it off, I was definitely coming down with something, which made the 10+ hour workdays that week much more difficult to bear. So, needless to say, I was in serious need of some time away! Add to that, the stress of getting the family packed for 8 days away, and ensuring Christmas presents went out to all of the places they needed to go to. Taking the show on the road for Christmas is no doubt a stressful feat!

So, we arrived at the airport on time after making a pit stop at the store for some last minute necessities. We talked Colten into putting on a pull-up under his “big boys,” as he likes to call them, so that if any accidents did take place over the long journey, they would be easy to clean up. I was so proud of him that even though he had a trusty pull-up on, and even though we were traveling for over 12 hours, he didn’t have one accident! Not to mention, what a well behaved little boy he was!

I had several moments that day, in which I just had to stop and pay notice to how truly blessed I was…blessed to be going on vacation with my two favorite people, blessed to have a husband that is such a great father, and blessed to have a son that is the light of my life. It is times like these that just make me stop and awe at the fact that the three of us are a family. It seems to be something that I somehow take for granted a lot of the time. I guess the sheer magnitude of it escapes me from time to time. Despite the great times we had, the wonderful people we saw and met, and the beautiful places we visited, the single greatest part of our vacation was having that time to spend together as a family.

 

We departed from Pensacola, heading to Providence, via Atlanta, which was the cheapest option in fares. However, we ended up having a dreadful 4-hour layover in Atlanta, which is why our overall trip time was so long. Colten had been flying on an airplane several times prior to this, but this was his first trip to have his own designated seat. Such a big boy! We were prepared with many options for in-flight entertainment, some high tech, some old fashioned. The important thing is that we were able to keep him engaged and therefore he behaved for the most part. The long layover in Atlanta wasn’t as bad as we were expecting either. Colten made fast friends with one of the ladies that drove the golf carts from one end of the terminal to the other. She offered to give us a ride, which was likely the highlight of Colten’s day. He was such a little ham and drew the attention of most of the people situated around us, who were giving Colten adoring looks. I was thankful for this, because I try my best to keep from disturbing people, which is sometimes very hard to do with a toddler. So, if he was at all being loud and obnoxious, they at least thought he was cute in doing so.

My favorite Colten story of the day, however, took place on the tar mac in Providence at the end of our flight. While we were awaiting the cabin doors to be opened and the people in front of us to clear out, Colten was getting restless and kept grabbing at the seat in front of him trying to get a peek at the people up there. When Jeff told him that he shouldn’t grab that man’s seat or he might get upset at him, Colten responded by asking, “Why? Is he going to take his belt off?” To this, everyone within earshot began laughing.

Once we made our way out of the secure terminal area in Providence, we were quickly greeted by Jeff’s Aunt Carol and Uncle Dave. As I mentioned before, this was my first time to meet them. Their warm greeting immediately made me feel comfortable and welcomed, not at all like an awkward first meeting. It was reminiscent of many airport greetings I have experienced in all of the years that I have lived far and away from my loved ones. There is almost nothing better than an enthusiastic greeting at the airport after a trip. Granted, some of its grandiose has been stolen away due to Post-9/11 airport regulations.

I was excited at the fact that this was my first visit to both Rhode Island and Connecticut. Although, my picture of Rhode Island was a little more story book than it actually was thanks to Me, Myself and Irene. Additionally, it was getting dark, so I couldn’t immediately take in all of the scenery. Jeff’s Aunt and Uncle’s house was about a 45 minute drive from Providence. When we arrived, we were greeted by their two dogs, Molly and Buddy, a black lab and golden retriever.  Colten fell in love with Buddy almost immediately. Not too long after we arrived, I went in the living room to find Colten asleep on the rug alongside Buddy. It was precious. 

The house was just as warm and inviting as Jeff had described it to be. I could already tell that this was going to be one of those picturesque Christmases that you read about in books…a beautiful, cozy New England house in the Connecticut countryside, family coming in for the week from their respective homes, with no obligations but to celebrate and spend time together.

Jeff’s cousin, Michelle, came in the next day (Christmas Eve) with her family from New Hampshire. She and her husband also have two children and two dogs that they brought along. So, by this time we had 6 adults 3 children and 4 dogs. Snug. But not cramped. I was happy to finally meet Michelle. We were fast friends, and it felt like we had known each other for a long time. I love how family is family. Whether you have just met, or known each other your whole lives, you feel connected just the same. Unfortunately, I was also starting to feel much worse by this time. I assume the plane ride helped whatever bug I had along. I tried my best to not let my sickness get in my way though.

Christmas morning was just as story-book as I had hoped it would be. The children awoke to stockings above the fireplace and many presents under the tree - the most substantial gifts were left there, unwrapped from Santa Clause. And even though Jeff and I had neglected to buy things to fill our stockings, Santa Clause had filled them too. Thanks again, “Santa.” We enjoyed watching everyone open their gifts and watching the kids play with their favorite new toys. The majority of the day was spent in our pajamas, like it should be. We had tasty delights and an all-around picture perfect holiday. Later that day, Jeff’s cousin Mark and his family and two dogs also came for the night. This brought the tally to 8 adults, 4 children, and 6 dogs. It only verged on cramped, but still cozy. There were two bathrooms but only one shower, so we had to plan showers carefully. Christmas night, we had a wonderful feast, which was the norm for every night we were there. Jeff has often bragged about his Aunt Carol’s cooking and I definitely see why.

[Side note: this is where I left off in my journal so now I am going from memory to finish describing our trip. Keep in mind, this is now 2 ½ years later…ugh! I really wish I would’ve finished this then, because it is such a nice memory to relive.]

In the following days we visited Jeff’s mom and step dad at their place, or as Colten calls them, Grammy Pammy and Papa Leo. The highlight of this trip for Colten, even more so than the presents, was Papa Leo’s dump truck. He just lit up at seeing that thing close up. Colten, at this age (3 years old) was obsessed with trucks. So this was very exciting for him. He still talks about Papa Leo’s truck two years later!

 

We later went for a visit at Aunt Cindy’s house. (Cindy is Grammy Pammy’s sister.) I got to meet even more of Jeff’s family, including his cousins, Kelly and Chrissy. I loved to hear their stories of Jeff as a boy. It was such a nice time, and once again I was taken aback by how much I felt right at home and like family there. I also really enjoyed seeing a new side of Jeff as I took in how he interacted with his family.  His cousin Sharon, who couldn’t be there that night, had taken family portraits of us earlier on that week. The portraits were a present from Grammy Pammy. Sadly, these are the only official family portraits we have ever taken to this day. This has something to do with the fact that neither Jeff nor I love to have our pictures taken. But Sharon was so nice and she did such a fantastic job, she made it a great experience!

 

Unfortunately, my health further degraded throughout our trip. Enough so, that we visited an Urgent Care clinic. In the same fashion that keeps me from going to the doctor whenever I am sick, they told me it was likely viral and that I had to ride it out, but gave me antibiotics just in case I didn’t get better soon. Some help that was! This was the day that Jeff and I decided to go into Boston; something that I was really looking forward to since I had heard such wonderful things about the city. We left Colten at home with Aunt Carol and Uncle Dave and headed out. But the urgent care clinic took up a big part of the day and we almost decided not to go. We ended up stopping in Braintree and went to the mall…big waste. This only added to the walking we did that day and I was wearing uncomfortable shoes. We took the T into downtown and let me tell you, by this time I was miserable. It was exceptionally cold, my feet hurt, and my whole body was achy from what I can only surmise was the flu. Jeff and I stumbled about aimlessly with no real plans and I tried not to be miserable. It was a big fail. We ended up leaving, both frustrated that we didn’t have a good time at all. To make matters worse, a day or so later Mark and Michelle went into Boston and returned with stories of a wonderful, fun filled trip. The trip I wish I had. Next time, we’ll have a plan, I will dress appropriately, and preferably I won’t be sick! The big plus to the day, however, was when we came home and saw what all the gang had been up to. It looks like Colten had bundles of fun. Hey, at least one of us did!

 

Later in the week, in a bid to take in some of the New England scenery, Jeff, Colten and I took a trip to Mystic, Connecticut. This town was the setting for the film Mystic Pizza. I was still feeling crummy, but a little better. This turned out to be a great day, full of great memories. We took in the sights of the town and the Seaport and had brunch at a place called the Tiny Diney. We then went to the Mystic Aquarium and even though it was freezing, had a great time. The whole day was just great family time.  

 

We also had the chance to visit with Jeff’s grandmother and grandfather during our trip. Theirs is a story for another post. Let me just tell you, they are some of the sweetest people and they have a love that is so precious. I can tell why Jeff loves and respects them so much! 

When it came time to leave, I was truly sad. I can’t even explain to you how enlightening, relaxing, and enjoyable my trip was. And to think, I was sick the whole time and still wouldn’t trade it for anything! I so fell in love with Jeff’s family…my family. I can vividly remember the feeling I had when Aunt Carol and Uncle Dave dropped us off at the airport that day…sad and forlorn, but so glad to have had the experience.


Aunt Carol and Uncle Dave w/ Colten